


Maintenance

by Davechicken



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 17:45:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8499274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Maintenance have a lot to answer for.





	

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE NOTE I am taking the piss, this is not meant as an insult to anyone, I'm taking the piss out of myself as much as anything else. :)

Kylo looks at the tablet. Squints. Turns his head as far as it will go. Nope. Still not enough. He turns the tablet (head still to one side), trying to work out… legs don’t go like that, do they? Even Hux isn’t that limber, and… how could that possibly be f– _how much do they put inside_?

“What are you doing?” Hux asks.  


“I was in Maintenance again.”  


“…why?”  


“My shower wasn’t working and they wouldn’t send someone so I went to get them myself.”  


“You know they can’t cope with you,” Hux says, not looking up from his own work.  


“It’s their own damn fault. If this ship worked, I wouldn’t need them to fix stuff. And if they came when I called for them, and _fixed_ the things they _should make work anyway_ , then I wouldn’t need to levitate them to my shower and yell at them.”  


“Ignoring that entire train of thought for now… how does being in Maintenance lead to you looking like you swallowed a sock?”  


Kylo turns the tablet around. “This.”

“Good stars… what _is_ that?”  


“Apparently it’s what they think we get up to.”  


“What?”  


“They’re very loud. I get to hear everyone’s mental images. It’s like being repeatedly sexually violated and objectified for free. It’s _great_.”  


“Why would they - how do you even get your legs to go like that?”  


“Lots of chains. And then there’s…” he scrolls. “Look.”  


“Your mouth would not fit that in.”  


“I know.”  


Another scroll. “Here. They think you wear a lot of leather and latex. Apparently there’s a debate as to which of us is on ‘top’.”

“…please tell me that means something non-sinister.”  


“They run odds on which of us… you know.”  


“…there’s a book. On our penises.”  


Kylo nods.

“…did none of them consider we might… take turns?”  


“Apparently it’s the least popular opinion. Mostly you’re in tight blacks, writing your decrees with a vibroblade over my back, pulling my hair and calling me disgusting… or I’m - uh - doing… things with a dick I _wish_ I had, and then there’s tentacles.”  


“Tentacles.”  


“Yes.”  


“…they do realise I don’t like non-Humans?”  


“They think you’re a filthy, closeted pervert. And you love to have a whole hand inside you, or your nipples pierced, or choked half to death, or–”  


“I’m stopping this right now.”  


***

“Okay, there’s no excuse, now.”  


“Hux…”  


“No, I’m serious. I commissioned a training package about healthy sexual exploration, and how no one was allowed to do it. So now they can all go back to thinking about nothing.”  


“Hux…”  


“What?”  


“I was in Maintenance again.”  


“Kylo, _why_?”  


“…I broke your chair. Anyway, now they’re convinced you’re the ‘Dominant’, and they think you want everyone to be your bitch because you’re the only one allowed to supervise sexual activity.”  


“…what?”  


“They now think you also send coded messages about our sexual sessions through your daily briefings. So they all get to have second-hand embarrassment. Which is rich, as I get it from _them_ all the time.”  


“WHAT?”  


“And they think you got me a… tail? And also I think they believe you flog me and that you get off on gagging me under my mask.”  


“WHY?”  


“…I don’t know. I also got some very interesting images about myself in pink clothing. I’m apparently fond of you tying my dick up in–”  


“Why would I want to hear this?”  


Kylo’s eyes are haunted. “ _I had to_.”

“I don’t want to listen to the Maintenance idea of–”  


“Hux, you were _kissing me after you sucked my cock_.”  


“That’s _it_. I’m going to go right down there and–”  


Kylo grabs his wrist. “I haven’t even told you what I apparently do with the Force, yet.”

Hux screams.


End file.
